明知道爱情并不牢靠
但是我还是拼命往里跳
明知道再走可能是监牢
但是我还是相信只是煎熬

朋友都劝我不要不要
不要拿自己的幸福开玩笑
但是做人已经那么累
假惺惺的想要逃
在爱里连真心都不能给
这才真正的可笑

爱得太真
太容易让自己牺牲,太容易让自己沉沦
太容易 不顾一切 满是伤痕
我太笨
明知道你是错的人,明知道这不是缘分
但是我还奋不顾身

明知道爱情并不牢靠
但是我还是拼命往里跳
明知道再走可能是监牢
但是我还是相信只是煎熬

朋友都劝我不要不要
不要拿自己的幸福开玩笑
但是做人已经那么累
假惺惺的想要逃
在爱里连真心都不能给
这才真的真正的可笑

爱得太真
太容易让自己牺牲,太容易让自己沉沦
太容易 不顾一切 满是伤痕
我太笨
明知道你是错的人,明知道这不是缘分
但是我还奋不顾身

可能,在爱里面这样算笨
可能,永远没有所谓永恒
但是我不愿放弃这里面,一点点可能
宁愿笨也不想要悔恨

爱得太真
太容易让自己牺牲,太容易让自己沉沦
太容易 不顾一切 满是伤痕
我太笨
明知道你是错的人,明知道这不是缘分
但我还是奋不顾身

我太笨,明知道你是错的人
明知道这不是缘分
但我相信有点..可能

thiNkinG at;
11:12 PM;

The constant dilemma... to follow your heart or mind.

I thought that I was very clear about everything... but after htht with ppgs.. i am starting to doubt myself. I guess when it comes to matters of the heart... sometimes even the strongest minds cannot dictate what is to happen or how one is to feel. I have my principles, beliefs and conscience.. so I know that would at least guide me to the right direction.

Right or wrong... nobody knows. There is no answer to that. I am really very tired... tired of all the emotional drama going on. Do i ask for much? Or am I juz fated or destined to face these time and time again...

Sometimes I juz want to stop feeling... stop thinking. perhaps go into solitude... and i guess my solitude is entertainment.

thiNkinG at;
11:06 PM;

When i heard this song.. I couldnt help but put in on repeat.

It has only been 2 weeks, but it feels like that faithful day juz passed. Still trying to cope with it... trying to sleep well again.

I had alwayz hope to bump into you at our past regular hangout. Each time i'm there, I will look ard.. waiting.. hoping. Just when i least expected.. our paths met. Fate? i dunno. When our eyes met.. i guess i'll never forget that moment. That acknowledgement, that smile. i juz had to go over to say hi.. maybe it was the drinks that gave me some courage. After that, i juz wanted to run away.. but i couldn't. The fastest way was to turn my back and get support from my company. It was terrible that nite.. really bad.

I told myself to be strong. I told myself to stay busy. but I never thought it would be this hard.

imu.. ilyd.

thiNkinG at;
4:53 PM;

i'm back again... after so long. so much have been going on in my life and i juz can't find the right avenues to let out. been emo-ing quite often recently... like anytime going into depression. but not that major kind.. juz feeling so damn lousy inside.

we all have ideals... some expectations to reach these ideals that make us happy. somehow i think i have come to realise i not only have to lower my expectations.. i also have to let go of my ideals coz they are never reality. we want things to turn out a certain way... occasions to be celebrate in a certain way with some kind of importance. maybe its the dreamy expectations i have... so far i think the times i was truly happy was during the 1st few ones. perhaps the occasion i like best was 1st month. only then... i was really xingfu. maybe i shouldn't put so much meaning into dates and occasions because they come every yr. sometimes simple can be good.. but wat i really want... wat i really hope for... do you know?

not sure if all my thoughts have been affected by work. i have done crazy things this year that took lots of courage and i didn't thought i was able to do it. not once.. but twice. didn't know i could be so daring...? i have to figure out wat to do soon... otherwise i will be stuck in this spiral.

i now feel everything is going wrong. things i am unhappy about cannot be said... or even if i say it wouldn't be of any use. problems cannot be resolved and i am juz stuck. with no sense of security in any way. maybe i should not take everything so seriously.. i should go back to the happy-go-lucky me. times where even when i get hurt... it wouldn't mean much or i wouldn't even mind it. when i say i dun care.. i realise i dun mean it...coz can't do it. i really do care.

thiNkinG at;
10:29 AM;

after much tolerance... i finally did it. 21 apr was the threshold. it was due to so many factors... no point staying and dragging on longer. I know i have been changing jobs quite fast. Believe me, i really hate it. i hate goodbyes... mostly its the colleagues i miss. thats all. somehow i juz can't find a comfortable and suitable place to plant my roots.

from my 1st... i really thought i could stay long. but after this 3rd.. i think i really do not have job luck. alwayz ending up in some shitty situation. its not that i give up easily. i truly hang on... but its alwayz that some things happen and i know i should treat myself better. or maybe i have not found wat i am destined to do. now... what shall that be?

thankfully, i have alot of support. family, frenz and especially him. giving me strength and hope.

kindly show me the way... give me a hint on wat's my forte. i am alwayz lost in this aspect.. alwayz searching for wat's the right path. or should i say.. the right company to be part of. show me the light pls.

thiNkinG at;
9:04 PM;

Initially you had no ojections so i thought u were totally ok with it. but when the dae drew near... you sounded uncomfortable. but you didn't want to stop me as u knew i wanted it. your firm words earlier in the day somehow made me understood your stand. & bcoz of what u said.. i made a promise to u that this will be the last. a promise is a promise & it will be kept. i seldom make promises so this i will definitely keep.

17 march 2011.. another date to remember. after 1 & 22 jan 2010.. it's all complete. all i wanted and all i love. no regrets. although i was wishing you were there with me or even after i was done.. but its okie. your support was all i needed. i can live with that.

there are the usual expectations and unhappiness i still feel uncomfortable with. but hope time will heal and things will change in time. maybe i gotta learn to let go and not harp on unnecessary worries. dun think so much and juz learn to accept things as they are. coz i really want this to work. :-*

thiNkinG at;
3:21 PM;